Eric Singing: Peaaaaaanut, peanut butter and jelly!
Eric stops singing…
Eric: That song is a really misleading representation of how jelly is made. They don’t say anything about boiling or canning.
Eric Starts singing again: First you take the peanuts and you peel ’em, you peel ’em…
Erica interrupts: NO! It’s first you take the peanuts and you dig ’em, you dig ’em…
Eric: That’s some farm to table shit, ain’t nobody got time for that.
“Now that I know there is a blog about me, I feel a lot of pressure to be funny. I have performance anxiety.”
Me: Eric, why did you leave this in the cupboard?
Eric: because there was still some in there.
Me: like a tablespoon
Eric: and I bet you used it in the cookies, didn’t you
Me: I mean, I used what I could scrape out.
Eric: see, I was being thoughtful.
I’m gonna start brushing my teeth with a big black dildo, see if you mistake my tooth brush for yours again.
(because I accidentally used his tooth brush for the 3rd time ever in 3 years)
I just wanna nap and poop my pants.
……sooooo, you wanna be an infant.
Just your average dinner conversation…
Eric: What we need to do, is get you pregnant so you can be a wet nurse. When the white flows, the green flows.